It’s rare I ever write a personal post like this, at least nowadays, I did it more so at the start of my foundation, and that very fact enforces the oncoming thoughts.
As much as I am in love with the subject, I can’t help but think that graphic design has severely damaged me. Or I’ve severely damaged myself. Or through graphics I’ve severely damaged myself. I worked through those 8 sleepless months of Foundation to achieve success in every area. I’ve gotten into some of the best art schools in the world, declined some, played a part in a greatly received show, achieved distinction. On paper/UCAS it’s all well and good, then we left in late April to just ‘do our own thing’.
One of the main things I believe that defines ‘design’ from ‘art’ is the function of the brief. Designers evolve ideas from the challenges of briefs, whereas artists perhaps see briefs as a starting point for journeys. In Design we see briefs as a problem, and produce a solution; In Art it’s a question, and in the end product, an indefinite answer.
Design is about solving problems, art is about making them.
So we were left breifless. Having spent those last 8 months pretty much living for briefs to solve, and being so fully engrossed in it, I then entered my new worse nightmare of a brief desert. Sure I spent a few months visiting and revisiting every single exhibition/bookshop/gallery I could get my hands on, inspiring every inch of myself to the maximum, it was still one of the most unsatisfying periods of my life because I had nowhere to channel this inspiration. I did everything to fill time. Sure I can now tell you where that Rembrandt painting you love is in Room 23 of The National Gallery, I’ve just not been able to go through any intellectual design process.
The other thing that I love about Graphics so much is being able to please. As you may know from previous rants I am a people pleaser: I do things to be accepted and acknowledged by others. I once viewed it as a bad trait and kept it quiet for 18 years but then I told my tutor about it and I started to accept it as a good thing to have in the situation I was in (that is, graphics).
So then I had no one left to impress but myself. And that’s never going to happen. I had nothing to create for. I recently confided in my friend who also does design that I just can’t see a point in doing something if there is no point.
It wouldn’t be such a huge problem, if I had always been like this. But before I started design I was drawing left, right and centre. I was padding out sketchbooks with ‘pointless’ drawings. Drawing for the sake of drawing, and I loved doing it. Drawing in different styles. Drawing different things. However now I have developed this ridiculous mentality and began a destructive relationship with the two words ‘final concept’. So I just ceased to exist in my creative self. It’s naive and stupid really, I am totally aware a lot of designers and illustrators make their own briefs and I was encouraged to do that but really, it’s not the same. I guess I just haven’t matured to that yet.
But then I actually think I have, I’m just still hung up on what people think of me. I’ve thought of several things I can do, and if I did them, I might actually get good response. But it’s shit isn’t it, that I just stopped doing anything. Because doing nothing is safe. I’m even worried what you’ll think of this. Disgusting and wrong, in every way.
I have also developed this mentality that I should have some form of style now, as some people I know have ‘their thing’ now, and illustrators have ‘their thing’. But I’m not even doing illustration. It’s even how I dress or how I act. Sometimes I want to dress in brogues and buttoned up pressed shirts and sometimes I just want to dress up like kurt cobain. Sometimes I want to listen to folk music and sometimes I want to listen to electronic music. I’ve become all consumed by feeling the need to become ‘someone’ doing that particular ‘something’.
So as of the end of this self-therapeutic blog post I’m going to have to realise that not having a particular ‘style’ is my style. For now. Perhaps I will settle into something. But I guess I’m learning still, and fuck it, I’ll go out and perhaps do some drawings that I’ll wake up on the day after and hate and like the day after that, and even make my schizo ways a positive aspect. Because you know when life gives you lemons you have to make lemonade. I will publish work and so what if no one likes it, I’ll have to just take it. I’ll just do a drawing or some design for the sake of drawing and design and developing myself. Because I’m not on commission anyway, for now.
Go to the Tom Paine Printing Press. I was walking along the high street there and WAS SO HAPPY (seriously) to see a whole printing press shop, and I went in and had a chat with the guy there, Peter, and he showed me around the presses and printed things to show me the mechanics. I told him about my growing collection of letter K’s.
If you’re never going to be in Lewes then take a look a the blog, it’s still delicious
(there’s also a bookmakers there which makes Lewes amazing)
New logo (type thing) and my return to tumblr.
Almost one month until I start my degree. Mmmm education. Hungry for the ampersands
Yesterday I had the honour of receiving a guest pass for the day to summer sundae 2011 (via Leo May, of By The Rivers), a music festival in Leicester. It got hot and sweaty but it was worth it to see By The Rivers, as well as some other amazing bands such as other worlds, the born ruffians and the maccabees. And of course I got to see all of my amzing friends from returning to london. I was dressed as a polar bear clad in denim and khaki. I’m returning tomorrow for my best friend Bear’s birthday celebrations.
Just doing my bit for the good of humanity.
Going out tonight for bears birthday also. Shes doing quite well on the birthday front
I’m currently scannerless at the moment so there is a decrease on drawings but I have done some, promise.